Big community funding update! Is grinding inherently sexual?
January 8, For people who do view it as just dancing what is the etiquette given that many people view it sexually? At what point would you then be obligated to make clear that you aren't expressing any sexual interest and are just dancing around and having fun? I found this thread which wasn't as targeted but seems to hint that most people think grinding is sexual. This other thread seems to suggest from the upvoted answers that there definitely is a "Grinding sexually" of people who view grinding as just dancing.
Is the best way Grinding sexually learn whether someone belongs to that population by just going out dancing with them often and seeing how they interact with other people?
If it helps, I'll give the specifics of my situation. We were out dancing with a friend of mine, his girlfriend and another friend. She and Grinding sexually other friend are giving me some dance pointers, showing me how to move my hips and all of a sudden she starts grinding on me.
Mind you, he's standing right there. I then pivot to the other side thankfully after a few more seconds she stops Grinding sexually with me. This felt incredibly weird to me. I don't have any interest in her and wouldn't have thought she had any interest in me but if her boyfriend wasn't there I would've thought she was trying to make a move on me.
Given that he was there the only explanation I can come Grinding sexually with is that in her mind grinding is not exclusively sexual and she was just helpfully showing me how to dance through demonstration. "Grinding sexually" recognizing this as a plausible rational explanation of the situation it's still hard for me to believe she did that. Are my sexual definitions too rigid?
Do many people view grinding as just another type of dancing and she just falls into that category? Dude you gotta stop hanging out with this woman, it's driving you nuts. You just have to cut it off and move on.
I tried to make it clear with the "I'm not interested in her" but should've been more explicit. I've been managing my feelings about the woman I'm actually interested in pretty decently in the past month Grinding sexually so.
I'm actually in a good place about that Grinding sexually now! Forcing myself to actively use Coffee meets Bagel has been a huge help "Grinding sexually" that I swear this isn't a pattern in my life maybe falling for uninterested women is, but that's neither here nor there and is truly a one off situation with my friend's girlfriend. But the lady doth protest too much: No contradiction in my mind.
Grinding is to non-contact dancing as mildly flirtatious conversation is to platonic small talk: People don't understand it as some kind of step on a ladder that eventually leads to sex. As with flirting with other people, different relationships have different boundaries when it comes to the various degrees of sexy dancing.
Sounds like it was not a big deal for them. As a guy, I would agree that what you're describing is more than "dancing". Now, my partner is an expert dancer, and when she's doing competitions there are some pretty way-out things going on in some dances.
These are part of the dance, and it's completely non-sexual. Ditto if they really are teaching you a specific set of dance moves that "Grinding sexually" predetermined. But in the context of informal dancing, "showing you how to move your hips", and that sort of thing, then yes she is doing something that makes you feel weird.
It's up to her and her relationship, I guess. I would guess that she was either trying to make a move on you or alternatively trying to freak you out in what she thought was a humourous way. I think you did the right thing trying to avoid it. People have different opinions and boundaries around this that also depend on different situations and contexts etc.
It seems that apparently to her and Grinding sexually bf this didn't overstep the boundaries of their relationship. You on the other hand feel weird about it and that's valid too. You're Grinding sexually to say it makes you feel uncomfortable and not do it. Personally, if I were in a relationship, I wouldn't dance like this with other people.
On the other hand, as a woman, I also have underestimated the perceived "sexiness" of my dance moves to men before, so there could simply be a mismatch Grinding sexually intentions and expectations here.
If her butt is making prolonged rather than incidental contact with your crotch, then yes, its sexual. She might not mean it that way but you can't rub yourself against a guy's penis without that being sexual.
I think it really depends. I have definitely grinded up on "Grinding sexually" and female friends while dancing as a silly fun thing to do. I probably wouldn't ever with a stranger. I don't think she was coming on to you- just kind of joking around and showing you some moves. But yeah if it makes you uncomfortable Grinding sexually fine to put a stop to it. But you Grinding sexually to know what the other person is thinking.
Absent any awareness of intent like this situationyou can only opt for the benefit of the doubt and let it go. When those involved know nothing about each other, each other's motivations, etc. I realize that bodies react involuntarily sometimes, but I don't Grinding sexually it's accurate to say penis proximity in the form of dancing even a style of club dancing that de facto represents sexual activityis always inherently sexual.
He may respond physically because that's what penises do Y'all, if you're grinding and its not at least pretty sexual, The whole point is to rub sexy bits on a gratified penis for fun times.
Its not necessarily foreplay that is meant to lead to sex, and is if anything not usually meant to be an intimate thing, but it is a sex thing at least if you're doing it right, the mechanics of which are just as intuitive as you think they are. That said, its not at all uncommon for couples to negotiate boundaries that include sexy things but not intimate things, or intimate things but not sexy things, or Grinding sexually, or neither - all of which is totally fine so long as everyone is happy with whatever the arrangement Grinding sexually. It is up to the couple you are friends with to negotiate the boundaries that are best for them, and in the scenario you described it should be totally fine to just trust your friend's girlfriend to be respecting her partner and their boundaries.
That said, it is still up to you to decide whether grinding is something you want to do, which you haven't discussed outside of the context of wanting to respect your friends' relationship, which is their job. If doing this sexy thing outside of the context of a relationship, much less in the context of someone else's relationship isn't something you really want to do - that is a totally fine and honestly pretty normal thing.
With the social expectation that men should always be up for whatever sexy thing we can get away with, it might not be intuitive to ask yourself whether grinding in a non-intimate way is something you actually want to do, but I suspect it might be at the heart of this question. It does indeed sound like you don't need to be concerned at all for your friend or your friend's girlfriend's feelings, which only leaves your's to consider - and they are important. If you think back to the moment, and can imagine "Grinding sexually" without the concern for in some way insulting your friends' relationship, would grinding be something you would have enjoyed?
Would it have still felt wrong for you in some way or would it have just been the fun gratifying rubbing times without any particularly more-than-friend-like-attachment your friend's girlfriend likely meant it to be? That is really a question only you can decide for yourself, and an honest answer introspectively arrived at will lead you to either a lot of fun times or avoiding a lot of awkwardness and heartbreak as you navigate situations like this.
Both answers are great, so long as they are right for you. Because it's sexual, it's something that will vary in levels of acceptability from relationship to relationship. Sexual isn't the same thing as coming on to you.
If you were interested, it wouldn't be a promise, and if you're not, it's not a request you have Grinding sexually decline. I would mind a lot. If one of my friends did that with me I would just assume they got into the song and were dancing. If YOU think she was too sexual with you then you need to speak up and lay down the boundary with your friend.
TBH, it doesn't really matter how other people feel about it. What matters is that it made you uncomfortable. Your instincts were "Grinding sexually" in trying to use your body language to convey that you weren't enjoying the experience pivoting your hipsbut it seems like she didn't get the hint immediately, which is too bad.