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Dating a divorced man baggage

opinion

When you find out a guy has been married before, do you hit the brakes? Worry that he may have too much I tell you what: You should be far more afraid of the dudes with zero baggage. I personally have never trusted someone who travels a little too light.

You want a real grown-up man? Date a divorced guy. They know two things: What it's like to love and what it's like to lose. Two very critical lessons. And if he has kids? He has learned that there is something more important than him.

He knows what it is to be humbled by love, and to put other people first. Listen to this story read to you. One of the most serious boyfriends of my adult life was divorced, or divorcing he'd been separated a year.

I hadn't dated Dating a divorced man baggage in that situation prior, and I found it refreshing to date a grown man with commitments and obligations. When you date a much younger man which I have many timesyou realize what's missing — they're all hope, no miles. But when I started dating this divorced man in his late 30s, I thought he was sexy and sturdy in ways that younger men simply weren't.

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He knew what it was to make decisions, and have them blow up in his face. He learned how, despite your best efforts, things sometimes fall apart in your hands and break your heart.

His biggest disappointment wasn't, say, that he didn't get into his first-choice school. I'm not saying that divorced men are better than single men — but I'm saying that if you Dating a divorced man baggage off a dude because he loved someone before, you're being shortsighted. This weird idea that we have to be someone's first love, that he or she can't have had any life before us, Dating a divorced man baggage naive and crazy and, I'll say it, selfish.

Someone's ex, or exes, their kids, all of it is not just baggage they carry around — it's called life. And I want a man with a little on him. In the end, this man and I were not a match; we ended up wanting different things. When he was fresh off his divorce he warned that he wasn't about to get back in that situation again.

I was like, No problem.

Yet as it turns out, he was the one who eventually wanted that coupled, married life back — and I couldn't blame him. I knew he needed that, but I also knew it wasn't me. I say this because looking for partners or lovers or any rich and rewarding connection is NOT like picking out a shirt. You're not looking for the one that looks like it hasn't ever been touched.

In fact, quite the opposite. And by the way, you don't have to have been married to have baggage. There's not one person you could Dating a divorced man baggage right now who hasn't been hurt before. Who hasn't been let down, left to cry his or her eyes out. Or had to make the tough decision to leave.

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